There’s a blurry line between waiting on a situation to get better because you expect it to and tolerating less than you deserve. When does waiting become tolerating? This year, I stopped waiting on the 2014 Braves to win the World Series and began tolerating my wasted time spent watching a team do nothing substantial. What’s the difference? Knowing that you’re out of it, but sticking around anyway.
Our minds lets us compromise when a situation isn’t what we deserve. We tolerate spotty communication because they’re good looking– hoping it will improve. We tolerate them putting others before us because when we see them, we forget about it– hoping one day we’ll come first. We tolerate them giving us the runaround when it comes to being real about where we stand– hoping that one day when we finally do demand an answer that it’ll be the one we want to hear.
In life, we accept what we think we deserve.
There comes a time when you need to stop. Stop thinking. Stop waiting. Stop wishing. And go. Leave. If the situation you’re in is full of you giving (and giving)–money or time or emotions, and the other person taking (and taking,) then it may be time to leave (and leave.)
Often we feel like we’re just waiting on the situation to get better because we expect it to. But when does it become tolerating?
Love is patient. It creates time, space, margin, forgiveness, and anything else that the other person needs. If you’re not being patient with them by giving them time and space and everything in between, you’re not loving that person.
Love is kind. It compliments, takes everything into consideration, smiles, and anything else that makes the other person feel appreciated. It sends letters, good morning texts, calls in the middle of the day, and thinks of the other person thoughtfully. If you’re not being kind to them by speaking to them in a language in a voice that makes them feel good, you’re not loving that person.
But love is not stupid. It waits, but does not tolerate. Sometimes to truly love someone you have to take a step back. You know you want the best from someone, but the truth is you’re willing to wait on it so you can get it from them. If you’re not willing to give them space and let go of what’s in it for you, you’re not loving that person.
You’re also not loving yourself. You either deserve better from the one you’re with, or the best from the one you’re waiting for. None of this is to suggest that love is easy. It takes time to build something special that will change your life.
It’s admirable to view the situation you’re in as a long term journey and not a short term sprint. That’s what it’s supposed to be. But the line between waiting because it takes time to build something special and waiting because you don’t think you can do better is very thin and blurry, and it’s different in every situation.
It’s up to you to decide if the situation you’re in is a temporary season of waiting, or a longer season of tolerating. Love is patient. But it’s also foolish to wait around in a toxic situation.
Nathan Hancock 
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